Tonight I went to a special screening of a movie that is going to be a revelation and revolutionary once it is released (or at least I pray so). It was called The Mask We Live In. This documentary was about the mask that we raise our boys to wear and how these masks have created layers and layers of muck that need to be sorted. We must reach out to our, now, grown men who used to be the boys that were masked into our skewed ideas of masculinity. It pains my heart to know that I too was a part of the problem, but I am joyful at the mercy and grace that I am shown because I was then ignorant, but now educated and intend to pass on the education.

The truth behind these masks is that SIN has developed not just into a devil problem, but simply put, a pride problem. Pride is a nominal sin and this is the root that drives us, that is fed by malice and hatred, that grows into a weed that can infect everything around it and spread from generation to generation. We took pride in telling our young boys not to cry, to man up, to not be a sissy, pu**y, fa**ot, etc. The movie relays back to us the message we sent our young men using these terms and much more. I would like to explore the origin of such ideas that the emotion we tell our young men to stuff, are considered non-masculine. Who first attributed crying, hugging, kissing, or any display of emotion or affection as just feminine? Then who decided to then turn the females into non-existent, unimportant, objects of male satisfaction; no longer considered a meaningful part of the male development and completion, but only alive to be subject to and bring entertainment or release to males? Where have these ideas originated? But the idea and study of the origin is not as important as how will you now view and remove this ideology from your life?

We can all find ourselves guilty of looking an unsuccessful male and deeming him not manly enough, or even a successful one with “feminine” characteristics and applying the word gay in our thoughts toward him. But why? Why did we define him in such a way and if the tables were turned, how would you have been defined? Men have been “Set up” by society to fail. As pointed out in this film we set men up for a big fall through implied images of masculinity and the attributes of a man; then when he exhibits those characteristics or pursues those attributes we knock him down, lock him up or place another unattainable level before him, because he can never be quite man enough.


A young man listens to rap music everyday. He gets up in the morning, puts on his Beats headphones, jams his song, let’s say Z–Ro “I hate you” everyday on his bus ride to school, its played on the radio several times a day, etc. He gets home, finishes his homework, puts on his Z-Ro again and starts playing his video games, let’s say Grand Theft Auto( or any other shooting game that edifies the prospect of shooting another human being to death, prostitution, profanity, etc). This young man is going to a party with some friends and of course he has jammed that song on the way to the party, he packing his 9 because you never know when something might pop off, and he probably had something to drink or smoke with his homeboys (because this is the way males are taught that they are supposed to bond). They arrive at the party and are fired up and ready to conquer as many females as possible (because this is also a measure of your manliness). Step into the party and someone accidentally brushes up against him or God forbid, steps on his shoe. The DJ, unwittingly, is playing the most popular song of the time, Z-Ro I Hate You. How do you think this young man feels and decides to handle this problem?

Point being, young men are told that instead of discussing feelings, showing emotion, or being affectionate with each other or even a woman, is taboo. You don’t have a close intimate friend if you’re a boy, because then you are gay. Jesus had a close, intimate friend: John, the disciple whom He loved (title given by John himself), who leaned on Jesus’ breast at the table for the Lord’s Supper. The change in time should not have changed the meaning of the gesture of a friend. Jesus showed us the correct way to love and be loved and gradually we have let society change that for us. If Jesus and John had shared their moments of brotherly and agape love today, we would have quickly dubbed them homosexual. Now our boys have a need to announce their masculinity even in the midst of trying to develop a purely brotherly relationship with another male who is not their biological brother by saying “no homo” behind any complimentary or encouraging words. How have we fallen so far from sensible? Girls having close intimate friendships is expected, but males must only bond over drugs, alcohol, sexual promiscuity, etc. How did we allow this to become the norm and how do we undo this tragic lifestyle we’ve subjected our boys to?

We begin with ourselves. We must completely revamp our minds to know the truth about being a man. Women and men alike must seek the Source on manhood and totally undo the societal norms implanted into our thoughts by years of wrong thinking and wrongdoing. Boys hide behind masks because we have driven them there. We have told them that if they ever come out from behind that mask and show us that they experience fear, anger, sadness, frustration, have a question, joyfulness, a need to talk, a need to cry then we will shun them, beat them, criticize them or worse tell them they are acting like a b***h.

The WORST thing for a boy or a man is to be told that he is acting like a female. But I, as a woman, am offended by the association of female with all things anti-male! Must we always forget that woman was taken out of man? We are 98% just like y’all. The only thing different between men and women are the sex. Genders are the roles assigned by society. We have somehow really screwed up our own thinking in the process of trying to make sure our kids stay straight! I played with boy toys as a child! I climbed trees, ran, fell, scraped my knees, laughed loud and fought. I’m not a boy nor do I want to be one. I’m 100% girl and I can probably lift more in the gym than some guys. But these are not the things that DEFINE masculinity nor femininity! So why do we propagate the idea that these things really matter.

A boy’s measure of masculinity stems from his view of his father. If the father abandoned him then he just may grow up with a subconsciously defeated mentality about abandonment. If a boy’s father likes to cook and he cooked with his dad, then he may develop a love for cooking and caring for his family by providing them with good wholesome meals. If a father takes his son rollerblading or skateboarding because that is what he likes then that boy may develop a love for sports or the outdoors etc. These boys need a male role model when they are young during their developmental years so that we won’t have to spend their adolescence and our free time having to mentor them after and visit them in prison. We must become more stable ourselves by reprogramming the nonsense fed to us by the controlling factors. If we knew more of The Truth for ourselves and stopped basing our truth on man’s wisdom then we would be a lot better off and further along in fixing what we have broken through sin.

God created us altogether, at the  same time. The soul of woman was always prepared, her physical body wasn’t prepared until Adam was ready to receive her. What did he do to prepare for her? Nothing. He let God give him a duty, he performed it well and then God brought him the woman as a help meet. I like to think of Eve as a blessing for keeping his focus where God set him and doing the job well and consistently. The world has taught us to go out and get our own reward and that God has nothing to do with the choice that you make. God should be the deciding factor in our choice of mate. Women were not created as a plaything but as a strengthening agent. Men are not to marry until they are ready to assume the role of head of the household and take care of the heart and well-being of one of God’s girls. Sex was given as the gift to both the male and female and now both sides use it as a weapon of mass destruction to their homes, if married),and society, if single. We use it to hurt, tame, mangle and control. God never purposed it for such gruesome acts but just as we perverted the word love, we have perverted the act of sex.

There is so much more to learn about this healing process that we are about to embark on through the great work of Jennifer Newsom and the Presentation Project. I am going to take the pledge because one day I do want to get married and some day I do want to have a son and they will both need me to know the NON-definition of masculinity and the correct way to edify them and encourage them in finding their own bond as a man raising a boy in a world full of hatred, misrepresentation and misleading information aimed at setting them up to tear them down.

AndByFaith She Writes


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